Fear

All of humanity has at least one initial fear.

A fear that has the power to corrupt and annihilate everything in its path.

Yours might be water, heights, insects, germs, or even society itself. But not Samantha’s, hers is much deeper.

     Samantha Baker, a straight A student with athletic skills that could make any WNBA player look like an amateur. Or at least, that’s what everyone at school thought.

She possessed no fear in the world. She would take on any dare, face any object, and sometimes, she would defeat them. “Samantha the Fearless” her fans would call her. But behind the curtain and when the doors are locked shut, she goes to close her eyes and rest her mind.

Her cheetah print blankets were as soft as ever, and her black, plush pillows, to die for. She had had a good day at the gym, and plus it was finals week; she was exhausted. So, why couldn’t poor Samantha sleep?

Fear.

Samantha the Fearless, eh? She wished.

If Samantha was anything, it was a wimp. A complete and utter scaredy-cat.

     As she lay in her bed, trying her best to get right to sleep, she hears something. A slight whisper hidden within the wind. As always, she snaps her eyes open in search of the being tucked away within her room.

Samantha knew that she was acting like a five-year-old. There were no such things as monsters in the real world; only in her mind. But she still couldn’t fight her deepest fears.

She could feel the horrors of the night coming to find her. She knew, just knew, that there was something hidden in the dark; and it wanted her soul.

Or something along those lines.

While scanning her room, she caught sight of something in her full length mirror.

A face.

A face filled with terrible intentions and murderous objectives. A face that could only come from the deepest pits of Hell itself.

Samantha couldn’t seem to pull her gaze from the mirror. And as she continued to stare, the monster only seemed to grow even more terrifying.

She quickly glanced around the room for her iPhone. She knew that if she could get her hands on her music, all of her worries would be gone.

But it was nowhere in sight, and she could sense something attempting to grab her leg and pull her from her bed. 

She glanced back at the mirror, but the face was gone.

It had moved, but where?

Unable to find her phone, or move towards the light switch, she looked intently towards her window.

     It was partially lit up from the street light next to her house, which only made matters worse. If someone were to step right in front of her window, she could see their silhouette. That thought caused her body to tremble, and yet remain stiff from fear.

Powerless by herself, she knew that there was only one thing to do now.

Trust in God.

Samantha forcefully closed her eyes and tried her best to forget the world around her. She attempted to focus all of her thoughts on Him alone. But despite her attempts, she could still feel the cold and bitter stares of the evil monsters that lurked about her room. But God wouldn't let them touch her would he?

     After a long and stressful prayer, she rolled over onto her side; trying her best to accept the peace of which she asked for.

Even though she could still feel the darkness surrounding her, she knew that she would always be safe as long as she had faith.

Faith in God alone.

And if she had faith, she knew that she would never have to fear anything worldly again. Not even darkness. So long as she feared only one thing.

God.

Categorized and Fitting In

Do you feel as if you don’t fit in anywhere?

Do you feel like you fit in everywhere except the one place where you want to?

Not only that, but do you and your "peeps" get dissed on 24/7 for being...you?

Since I am a home-schooled, christian who also got spanked as a child, I know what it's like to be categorized and to not fit in. Having to grow up, constantly hearing about how unsocial and awkward I must be.

It sucks.

Yeah, I have only celebrated Halloween once in my life, and it was before I can even remember. Does that make me deprived?

No, I never believed in Santa Claus. Does that mean I have terrible parents?

                  Sometimes I feel like people, take one look at me and think...

                                   

              Especially now that I am entering the world of a college student/adult.

My whole life I have put on this front of, "I don't care what you think. I'm an American." And sometimes, I truly don't care. But no matter how hard we try, words still hurt.

So...where's the positive light in this, Korrie?

Thanks for asking, I was just about to tell you.

                                                In a nut shell anyway.

We are God's people. We were perfectly made. And best of all, we were personally hand crafted by the big man Himself.

So, answer me this:

If we were so wonderfully and perfectly made, why do we feel this need to always fit in? Why do we desire to be something that we are obviously not?

Strange creatures, humans.

We are always striving for something to fill us up and make us whole. Something that will allow us to finally feel complete. Man kind continues to search for what seems like the most impossible thing. Happiness.

And yet, He is always right there, staring us in the face.

So why won't we just accept Him?

Weird, I know.

Pedestals and Podiums

     One might look upon this image and see a young, beautiful woman. Her long, brown hair flows with the wind, caressing her perfectly sculpted cheek bones. She doesn’t smile, nor does she look to be showing any sign of joy, but her eyes say it all.

She is what her friends call, “the perfect woman.”

But even though they may gaze upon her infinite beauty, they have no idea of what goes on inside her head. All that they can see is the image that lies in front of them.

They will never understand the torment that haunts her every time she looks in the mirror, nor the demons around her that whisper terrible lies.

One will never know the gifts that God has given her, nor the trials that he has put her through.

One will never know of the mistakes that she has made, nor the goals that she has achieved.

     

     The public judges by the image of people that they see. They never even consider looking deeper into the story that lies on the front page of the tabloid newspaper. It never once crosses their mind that that image is perhaps a human being just like them.

     

     We as humans place normal people, just like you and me, on pedestals. We glorify them until their very life and soul gets sucked out of them. We take away their freedom to mess up, but what’s even worse is that we take away their right to be forgiven.

If someone ever heard about even one of this lovely woman’s mistakes, he would never be able to look at her the same. But if someone were to hear about what she has given up to glorify God, he would place her on a pedestal as high as the sky.

The only human that we have placed on a podium who didn’t disappoint us, was Jesus Christ, and yet even the Jews stripped Him of His pedestal and killed Him because He didn’t live up to their expectations.

     

      No matter who or what it is, we always feel the need to exult or put down others. It’s human nature, but it must be stopped. People get hurt, and people get killed. Maybe not physically, like Jesus Christ, but emotionally and spiritually. They get driven to drugs and alcohol. They become the very thing that they wished never to be. We expect so much out of them.

We slowly kill them.

And there is only one person who can save them, and they reject Him time and time again.

Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Who are you? Who am I? Who is He?

     Throughout time people, culture, language, religion, the world in general has changed drastically. These changes have altered the very fabric of our society too many times than I could care to count. But even through all of the constant changes or, modifications per se, there was, is, and always will be one thing that remains as a constant; God and His Word.

    

     In previous eras, certain groups of people have been put down because of specific attributes that they possess. For example, women, African Americans, the mentally handicapped, the diseased, gays and lesbians; the list continues on. As time has pressed on, ideas and beliefs have changed allowing more people to be accepted into society, and they will continue to do so, which is great.

The Bible demands us to love one another, and not to put others down. (John 13:34 & 1 John 4:20) Two of my favorite verses.

     

     But this post is not focused on accepting one another as much as it is accepting yourself. As a teenager I, myself, am still trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is in life. But as I have progressed in life, all 16 years, I have picked up a few pointers.

We are all different, and that is good. God created us different, but still in his image. (Romans 12:5-8 & Genesis 1:27)

     

     Because we are all so different, it can be hard at times to find out who and what you are, but most importantly why you were created. Those who have committed suicide have failed to find out why they were created by God, and because of this emptiness they ended the very thing that God gave them. It is very important that one discovers their live's purpose, and for some, glorifying God isn’t enough. They desire more. They crave that knowledge and understanding that only God can give them.

I am one of those people.

     

     I have this untamable yearning for belonging and understanding that only God can put an end to. I have yet to discover this great mystery, but I believe that God has shown me the first step of many in accomplishing such a task.

Finding out who I am.

I must find out who I am in order to determine my purpose, as do you.

     

     Because I enjoy stories, movies, songs, pictures, just art in general, I tend to find who I truly am in songs or pictures. The way they make me feel; the memories that they cause to resurface; the thoughts that they put into my head; it tells me things that people alone cannot. I feel that art is God’s way of speaking to us through the Holy Spirit.

     

     All my life I have had people tell me who they think that I am, or what they think God’s purpose is for my life. As I have grown to study myself and contemplate on whom I am, I have discovered something very disappointing. I am nothing like what people have described me as.

     

     According to the world I am kind, relaxed, smart, talented, respectful, cheerful, amicable, ect. Yes, I may possess some of those attributes from time to time, but that is not who I am.

I am dark.

     

     For a long time I have wondered why I always choose to write so dark and evil to where it almost becomes depressing. But as I evaluate myself, I come to the conclusion that that is just who I am. I am dark.

     

     I am a reckless, self-centered, resentful, rebellious, evil, revengeful, sin filled teenager. I refuse to accept what God has given me, and I desire what I cannot have. I am human, and I hate it. But is that all that I am, human and evil with a cheerful, perfect cover up? That is why I am doing this.

To find out who I am.

     

     I’m going to list pictures and describe what they make me feel. I believe that this is the best way for me to find myself, and once I discover who I am, only then will I be able to accomplish God’s purpose for my life.

    

     I am not doing this just for myself, but I hope that in showing you this, that you yourself might be able to do the same. I pray that God will reveal to you who you are, and in doing so, that you would find your purpose. But most importantly, be able to understand Him better.

     

     The rainbow that floated within the sky began to disappear as the car inched nearer and nearer in its general direction. They say that a rainbow is simply the reflection of light from the moisture in the sky…or something like that…I never paid attention during science.

A rainbow is merely an illusion, but what if there was an illusion inside the illusion? What happens to the moisture once you have gotten too close? Where does it go?

A rainbow is a marvelous thing. It signifies God’s promise and so much more. It is beautiful, and it has so many fairy and tall tales based upon it. Mankind tends to make up stories and fantasies for things which they do not understand. For example, a pot of gold that lays as the end of it, a unicorn that can gallop up and down it, and now I shall introduce a new theory, or myth if that makes you feel more comfortable.

     

     As one draws closer to a rainbow, the sun’s rays alone do not cause you to no longer see it. It disappears because it’s time is up. I melts away as if all it wanted was to make you happy, and now because you cannot see it anymore, partially because of the sun’s rays, it begins to cry.

A rainbow is made up of moisture, which is water. What do you suppose rainbow tears would look like? Colorful, perhaps? Why not? A rainbow is full of colors.

     

     As the tears fall from the colorful arch in the sky, some find themselves in puddles caused by the day’s previous rain fall. When they hit, their color scatters and creates a crown. What does a crown signify? Royalty. What rules over a rainbow? 

God.

Even as the rainbow fades and dies, it rejoices in its magnificent creator. A rainbow is a martyr. A martyr that no one acknowledges, and yet it always returns to place a smile on our faces. God’s creation is perfect and outstanding. Nothing but its creator can compare to it…and yet…He put us in authority over it. How sad, and yet how wonderful.

     Do you see a pulse? Do you see electricity? Do you see your favorite color? What do you see? To be completely honesty, this one took me awhile. At first I began to think of it as music, but then my mind wondered to the geek inside of me.

Gary Bell.

    

     Only those who watch the show Alphas would understand, but in a nut shell, he is an autistic man who can see the electrical frequencies/currents within the sky. So yes, perhaps it is music. Perhaps it is electricity. Or perhaps it is a work of art of which we are supposed to stare upon and wonder. Ponder about. 

Kind of like God, in a way.

     

     We do not understand His ways, nor do we understand Him. He is a great mystery, and yet, we feel as if we have this connection with Him. We feel as if we know Him better than anyone else.

That is exactly how I feel about this picture.

     

     We have no clue what exactly it is, but we have this sort of connection to it. It speaks to us individually and tells each and every one of us different things.

     

     This picture takes me back to my beginning point. We are all different, and God made us different. If He, just like this picture, spoke to use in exactly the same way, the world would totally be boring. We would all have the same feelings and we would all have the same calling.

We would all be cookie-cutter robots.

     Ah, now this is the real purpose, eh? Even if you haven’t found out who you are yet, cause I know that I haven’t, this is a message to you for when you do.

Because we are all created differently, we have an instruction, and this picture sums it up.

Never change who you are.

     

     God created you with a purpose. Pray to Him. Find out what it is. Find out who you are. Find out who He is. Solve the mysteries of life. Change the world, but don’t let it change you. “Be in the world, but not of it.” Love others. Show mercy. Have grace. Follow the instructions of the Bible.

But never change who you are.

You are you, and that is perfect in God’s eyes.

Inspirational

     He’s everywhere. He’s on your Pinterest(or your daughter’s Pinterest). He’s on movies, the television, the internet…just social media in general. This guy is currently, without a doubt, one of the most famous celebrities. No, seriously, there is a twitter account dedicated to his LAUGH. Yeah, I know.

His name is Thomas Hiddleston, AKA Loki of Asgard.

     

     Every girl, young and old, wants to have at least the chance to meet him face to face. And everyone has their own reasons why. He’s hot. He’s an amazing actor. He loves old books and poetry. He’s kind. He’s smart….did I mention he’s hot?

     

     

     But sadly, I am not here to talk about his looks and charm. Instead, I want to share something a little different than what you might hear about our dear Tom Hiddleston. Don’t worry. This, hopefully, isn’t going to be as boring as it sounds.

     

     Everyone saw him in Thor. He was the blue, whiner-butt, villain that not everyone was fond of, at first. Okay, maybe not everyone saw him that way in Thor, but I did. I didn't have any sort of attraction to him what.so.ever. I actually came out of the movie theater super disappointed, for I hadn’t enjoyed it at all.

     

     I thought that the movie itself was odd, and not to mention I didn’t like any of the characters. But I was glad that I had watched it, or else if I hadn’t of, I would have ended up like my mother; watching the Avengers and not having a clue where all of this “God of Thunder” and alien stuff was coming from.

Boy, I will never forget the long and tedious conversation that took place in our car, trying to explain to mom that she had missed a whole Marvel movie. An important Marvel movie, to be exact.

     

     Speaking of the the Avengers, that was where it all started. And come to think of it, I believe that that was where it had started for most of the earth’s population as well. Not even two weeks later, Tom had gone viral. Pictures of him were EVERYWHERE! I could not go anywhere on my Pinterest without seeing his face, or my Tumblr for that matter.

At first, I had absolutely no clue who the guy was, until, of course, I finally Wikipediaed him.

     

There I found that he was, in fact, Loki, from Thor. The first thought that crossed my mind was, “Why?” 

At that point in my life, I had absolutely no respect for the English (no thanks to my father), and I just didn’t really fancy him as a person. Sure, I could see some aspects in him that people would like, but I couldn’t see him as his title, “A Sex Symbol.”

     

     Wanting to know more about this guy, I scrolled down the Wikipedia page, and stopped once I saw what I was looking for; Filmography. I wanted to see just what kind of an actor Tom really was. Noticing that he had played in a lot of films, I knew that I would have my work cut out for me...and a lot of all-nighters.

Thor

War Horse

The Avengers

Wallander (A must see)

     

     After IMDBing them, all of these sounded pleasing to me. And once I had watched them all, some for the first time, I began to notice something. Something that was very important.

It wasn’t the attractiveness of Tom, of course some might only see him in that aspect, but it was his skill and passion for his occupation that caused people to love him.

     

     At one moment I saw him as a whinny, wimpy villain on a stupid movie, now I cannot help but see him as a motivated man with a passion for theatre. But as I sit down and write out my thoughts about this particular man, I begin to ponder on one specific question.

Is he saved?

Because even though he is an intelligent, charismatic, amiable man, what is the point of it all if he is just going to end up in Hell in the end?

     

     When fully running that question through my mind, I truly began to realize how much the world sucks. The thought of that man possibly suffering for eternity breaks my heart. While some girls desire to see him face to face before they die, I hope to see him in Heaven with me after I am already dead and gone.

    

     My only wish right now, at this moment, is that, if he is not saved, someone would minister to him. Tell him about the one true God that can save him from all evil. Tell him about the consequences if he doesn’t accept Him. Just tell him.

     

     Your mission, if you choose to accept, is to witness. Be a light. If you do get the amazing chance of seeing Tom Hiddleston face to face before you die, take that chance to save him. Don’t waste it by telling him about your Pinterest board that is dedicated to him. Don’t tell him about all of the fanfics that you have written about him/Loki in the dead of night. Don’t tell him every wondrous thing that you have done that might impress him…or scare him off…just saying.

You know why?

Because such an act is selfish.

     

     Love him, yes, tell him that you do. I bet he will feel wonderful. But most importantly, don’t forget to tell him how much more God loves him. You could save his life from a living hell...in Hell.

     

     And if he is saved, praise God! That means that I have written this three page Word document for nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. I guess that this post could be just what it’s titled.

Inspirational.

     

I really hope that this has touched your heart, just as it has touched mine. God bless. Be a light.

See you in Heaven.

Murder Scene

     Silence, silence was all Adriana could hear as she lay in the blood stained bathtub. She could smell the appalling sent of the red liquid that was currently surrounding her. But the fact that she was surrounded by blood wasn’t what startled her. No, it was because she couldn’t seem to remember how it had gotten there. How had that horrific fluid make its way on and around her? Was someone hurt?

     

     Adriana suddenly opened her eyes as a gasp escaped through her lips. An unexpected, searing pain had magically appeared within the depths of her stomach. At least, that was where she thought the source was coming from. Even moments after her attempted murder, Adriana was still unknowingly in a state of shock.

     

     Luckily, the traumatizing event had been erased from her memory in order to keep her sane, even at the end of her life span. What an amazing thing, the brain. God specially designed it to do the impossible. He had been extremely graceful on Adriana. He could have just allowed her to knowingly lie in her own blood as she reflected on the angered face of the man that had done the unthinkable. The way he had snuck into her chambers and stabbed her repeatedly was not a memory that one should have to die thinking about.

    

Oh, how gracious our God is.

     

     Allowing mercy to a woman guilty of the same crimes as her attacker was not something to be taken lightly. If she was aware of what He had done for her, perhaps she would have thanked Him endlessly, just as He deserved. But He received no praise, nor any acknowledgment. That is just one of the countless attributes that sets us apart from God; His meekness.

    

     As Adriana closed her eyes and welcomed the comforting darkness, she felt herself beginning the process of ascending down the twirling staircase of life. The feel of her smooth, silk nightgown against her bare legs was one of her favorite things in the world. And because God loved her, He allowed her to feel the comfort of her nightgown, as she took her last steps of leaving this retched world.

     

     He was more than pleased to accept her into his Kingdom. And the moment that Adriana saw her Judge, Master, and Creator’s glorious face, she knew that she would never return to the place that she had once called home, nor would she ever desire to. Adriana could remember much of her evil and twisted life, but the one thing that she could not seem to recall was the cause of her death.

     Adriana asked her marvelous Master for the reason as to why she could not remember such an event. The Lord simply ran His hand through her soft, black hair, and proceeded to answer His child’s question. “A child of My Kingdom should never have to bear such a burden,” was all that He said to her before she went off and gathered things to praise Him with.

Time

     What is the point of time? We are brought into this world, we live, for the most part, an equivalent of eight decades, and then we become one with the dust of the ground from whence we came. It’s not like stopping time would help. It might feel good to plunge a freshly sharpened knife into that ticking object. But the sad reality is this, after you have struck the clock, you soon begin to realize that you continue to die.

     
So, I will ask again. What is the point of time? 

     In my younger days I would have simply shrugged my shoulders to the question, but not now. Now my ears are open. My mind wonders. What is the meaning of time, why does it exist? Most would say to keep track of life, but why? Why do we feel the need to keep track of ourselves, using a never ending cycle that only brings pure agony with every birthday?

    

     Is the answer to the question really just as simple as, because? Did our ancestors create time because they wanted to, because they needed something to do with their spare time. See, there that word is again, time. We can’t seem to escape it. 

So, what does it mean? Time?

    

     The Google dictionary states that time is “the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.” But why? Once again people of earth, think! Pace the floor if you must! Why do you think that time is even necessary? What do you think that time is, regardless of what the dictionary says?

I am waiting.

     

     Is time just an endless journey that exists only to remind us of how little time we have left to live? Is it there to remind us of our deaths? Is that the definition of time, the Grim Reaper? Is time going to walk up to your door one day, press its bony finger onto your door bell, and greet you with a wicked smile?

What are your thoughts?

     

     Do you believe that there is more to time than just simply counting down the minutes to our inevitable deaths? Do you think that that at least has something to do with it, even in the slightest way? Or do you have your own completely different opinions? If so, I would love to hear them. 

Do you have it? 

Good, now keep it there, for I am about to give you my own personal opinion. Remember, keep your own thoughts there, and don’t lose them. I want to hear those thoughts of yours.

     

     To me, time is simple. “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause and effect, but ‘actually’ from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.” – The Doctor.

Couldn’t resist.

     

     But in all seriousness, that is somewhat true. Even if you aren’t a time traveling alien from outer space, time can still be like a big ball of wibbly wobbly, time-y wimey stuff. 

Time is life. 

Yes, it is indeed a countdown to your death, in a way, but not in a murderous, scary way.

     

     Time keeps track of your past, your present, and your future. But out of those three tenses, most important of all would be your past. It reminds you everyday of the things that you have done, bad or good, productive or unproductive, you name it.

Especially through the teenage years, if I might say so myself.

     

     Time is not only there to remind you of your past events, but it also exists so that you can be aware of how much time you have to accomplish miraculous things. Of course, not everyone is promised tomorrow, but time is like an estimate without an exact guarantee of its accuracy. Time is there to remind you to live your life for God, and not to waste it.

     

     As I sit in front of my computer, urging myself to get off of Pinterest in order to get my five page paper done that is due in five hours, I watch as time passes by in front of my eyes. I can do nothing but sit back and allow it to subjugate me. As the minutes continue to pass, first five, then ten, then twenty, I beg for release from time so that I may spend my days how I please, but that is not how God designed for the system to work.

     

     Time is there to remind us of the things that need to be done, the little stuff that has already been accomplished, and the events that must never come to be. So, next time you are doing something that you know you shouldn’t really be doing at the moment, remember time and its importance. Remember what you must do, what you must always do.

The right thing.