Bullying Part II: My Story, My Message

Previously, I had asked you guys to kind of think about your bullying experiences and I also told you that in this one, Part II, I would tell you guys about my own bullying experiences. 

And this post is actually in perfect timing, you see, tomorrow I graduate, so before I graduate from grade school, I get to reminisce about the worst part of it. Yay!

Anyway, seriousness.

     What if I told you guys that I was a bully? Would you hate me?

In my opinion, everyone is a bully at one point or another, even if it’s for a second. But still, even though it was for a quick second, you were a bully to that person, and they will forever remember you that way until you make things right. Even then, there will always be that little tug at their heart every time they hear about you, see you, talk to you, etc.

     But who knows, I might just be saying all of this to cover my own skin for being a bully. No, I didn’t shove kids into lockers or steal their lunch money, but I was a mental bully.

Back in 8^th grade, my “gang” and I weren’t the nicest of people, but we had the potential to be. We constantly called each other names and picked on each other saying things like,

“No, you retard, that’s not how you do the problem.”

“Dude, if you cry, I’m seriously gonna laugh.”

“What is she doing? She’s so weird. I seriously hate her.”

“Nerd.”

“Stupid.”

And the list goes on.

     Now, this next part is gonna sound like I’m making excuses for the way we were acting towards each other and the other classmates, and, well, that’s because I am. You see, none of us wanted to be at the school were attending. We were all stripped from our friends and our previous schools. We hated everything that was going on and the way we dealt with it was by letting out our anger on others.

Well, that was my reason, at least.

     What amazes me, is that literally everyone that we were mean to or ignored, are still friends with us. They love us, even. Why? We never asked for forgiveness, so why did they forgive us?

Seriously guys, I couldn’t say it enough, God is so good.

There I was sitting at my desk, ignoring the teacher and spitting spit-balls at the walls and at other kids, and I never even thought of the possibility that I would be leading these very kids in worship, prayer, and their everyday walk through the hardships of life.

All of those sexual jokes, mean taunts, disrespect towards the teachers, everything, it’s like all of it was forgotten – forgiven. I am literally on the verge of tears while writing this. God is so good.

I have no right to say this, but bullying sucks. Bullies suck.

I suck.

I just want to take a moment to apologize to everyone that I wronged, knowingly or not.

     I am sorry for everything I said to you that made you feel worthless. That made you cry. That made you hate me. I am sorry for taunting you, picking on you, pulling pranks on you. I apologize for ignoring you; making you feel like an outcast. I am sorry for the name I called you, for laughing at your embarrassing moments. I am sorry for not accepting you; whether I was jealous of you or not.

     Teachers, I apologize for not respecting you as an authority. I am sorry that I said things behind your back. I am sorry that I despised you for no reason other than the fact that you were an authority. I am sorry for my rebellious heart, which I am currently working on.

     God, I am sorry I didn’t bring you glory. I apologize for all of the unholy things that came out of my mouth and the acts I did. I am sorry for the moments I hated you, because of the situations you put me through.

“Take me away

I can’t take another day

Please, don’t make me stay

Take me away

“Reach out your hand

Make me understand

Why I went so far

I must know where you are

….

“There must be hope, just learning the ropes

I’m still here today, I must find a way

Break out of this cage, with all of my rage

I can’t comprehend, I’m sinking again

“Can’t see through the ice, I’m fighting my lies

I’m drowning again, is this the end?

I want a new start, need you as a part

My smile never lasts, it’s now or the past

….

“I need to stay strong, I must carry on

I’m trapped in a shell, surrounded by hell

I’m lost in the dark, you are my spark

I’m begging you dear, please find me here”

(Oceans By Marry Me, Ocean  - Metal)